The Art of Discipline

I am learning what it means to be disciplined and diligent with the time that I've been given. I'm such a time waster... hence my lack of blogging. I've got a lot of time to make up for in the next couple of days, so I apologize in advance for the spam blogs :)



I stopped to take a look around, to say my last goodbyes. I had heard of girls like me not being able to say goodbye to the lifestyle that had imprisoned them. I had always resented them, thought they had to be mindless to not take any opportunity they had been given. Standing at the door about to leave everything that I had known, I quickly realized I was no different. Prison walls are predictable and they never change. They protect you from the elements and become acceptable and comfortable compared to facing the cold, heartless world outside. Eventually, I even convinced myself that this place was home. That I had loved my captor. But as I looked around the empty trailer I knew there was no life here. There was no living in captivity. There were the free and living and the trapped and the dead. I was done with death, had experienced too much of it in my life and was all too ready to start living. Grabbing the door handle, I walked into the early morning air, not taking a single look back. As I walked I emphasized every step, leaving one reality behind and embracing the new, whatever that may be. Kairon was leaning against the trunk of a large tree.
“Hey, wait up!” I heard him call. I had walked right past him in my new found determination. Whirling around I grabbed his hand with an unexpected boldness.
“Where to next? I want to get out of here,” I said trying to drag him along. He was so strong! Granted I wasn't much of a weight lifter, but trying to pull him was like moving a mountain.
“You are one puzzling girl. You haven't asked one question about who I am or where I'm taking you. I thought this was going to be a lot more difficult, but you're making my life pretty easy.”
“I don't care who you are, or where we're going. I just want to leave. If you wanted to take advantage of me you would have already done it. Let's go!” I said frantically. I could see him in my mind; Billy peeking out from behind the trailer, boring a hole through me with those beautiful steal eyes, Billy saying those words that dripped with manipulation and control. I could hear him.
“You're worthless. How could you possibly think this man would want you? You're damaged goods. I'm the only one that understands what you've been through. I'm the only one who can take care of you.” My breaths started coming in short gasps. Kairon grabbed my face with gentle hands and looked straight into my eyes and I was overcome by a peace that I didn't understand.
“Let's go.” He said nodding, as if he was privy to every detail of my inner dialogue.

I focused on matching his every step, mostly to take my mind off everything else. We walked out of the parking lot and down a road to end up in a crowded farmer's market. It was then that I spotted a city sign. We were in Oceanside, Oregon a tiny town located on a hill butted up against endless beach. The people in the market mingled among each other like best friends and small crowds of people congregated around different booths of farm grown vegetables and home made crafts. The smells of honey and apples overwhelmed my senses. My stomach growled in protest and could not be silenced. I had forgotten the last time it was that I had had an apple or anything for that matter. Like Eve in the Garden of Eden I was magnetically drawn to the stand that contained my bright red desire. My mouth watered so badly I was sure that drool had to be running down my face.
“Would you like one?” Kairon asked probably noting the crazed, hungry look in my eyes. He was so kind to me, with no pretenses or ulterior motives. Once again I could not shake my feeling of worthlessness.
“No, that's okay.” I lied. He smiled and shook his head as he turned to the vendor.

“Hi there. How are you today?” He asked the plump lady with a head full of hair that matched the fiery red of her apples. Her smile was friendly and welcoming, like the smell of apple pie.
“Well I'm downright peachy sweetheart, how are you?” She asked